Best Served Piping Hot: Harry's Monthly Recipes from the HQ Kitchen January 2012.

As a student who is constantly hungry, constantly entertaining ladies (little in joke there for anyone who has ever met me) and who enjoys making a meal rather than microwaving something or banging some fish fingers under the grill.  So when you too tire of the most basic ways to sustain yourself, and want to set a mood of hard, thorough loving  - do so through your food.  From now on I will be providing essential recipes on a monthly basis straight to you from a secret stash.

This is for you, N.

It is that moment you have all been waiting for, crab linguini! (or a not grab linguini if you are so inclined Mini).

For of all you will need a raft of fairly inexpensive ingredients. I'll tell you what I'm using to make a 2 person dish.
500g delicious linguini pasta (don't use it all at once, unless you're very hungry)
350g Seeds of Change Tomato and Chilli stir in sauce (other brands acceptable but 350g seems perfect for 2 people)
185g (or thereabouts) of tinned crab or a similar amount of fresh crab if you are moneybags
100g pine nuts
Candles to set the mood.

Now you've stocked the cupboard, let's get this dinner for two on.

1. Put your preferred amount of linguini into a large saucepan of boiling water and allow to cook for the selected time (mine says 11 minutes though depending on your tastes you might want it more al dente or more soft).
2. Meanwhile, pan fry those pine nuts! You won't need oil because they secrete their own as they cook. Pay close attention - you only want to brown these, not cremate them (that is when they are black). When done, swiftly remove from the pan to prevent further cooking and put in a nice bowl where they will hold their heat.
3. If your pasta is done, drain the vast majority of the water but retain a little as this is important to keeping a moist end product.
4. Stir in the pasta sauce thoroughly, adding the pine nuts to give it texture.
5. Finally, drain the brine from your crab can and mix it into the pasta carefully so you do not make the chunks too small.

Serve in a pre-warmed plate (5 minutes at 100 degree c should be alright but your mileage may vary) to preserve the heat of the dish so you don't have to rush through and spoil the dinner time conversation.

...

Alright gang, you feel like you need a little boost in the protein or just fancy a tasty, cheap and quick to make pasta meal? Then I hope you like tuna and mushrooms because this is gonna be difficult if you don't!

Get a tin of tuna, a jar of mayonaise, one of those boxes of mushrooms all the kids are raving about and enough pasta for one person. The pleasure will be all yours. If you want to keep all ingredients in stock, I'm sure dried mushrooms would be suitable too if you follow the instructions for moistening them before kicking off the cooking.

1. Put the pasta into boiling water and cook for suggested time (my penne from Sainsbury's suggests 11 minutes, which is too short).
2. In the remaining time you should put your mushrooms and a little oil in your pan and cook these until they're soft and juicy.
3. Next, turn off the heat on the mushrooms and add the tuna, having already drained the can, and mix together fiercely to aid overall distribution of the delicious catfood chunks.
4. Taking the pan off the hob altogether, add mayonaise to lubricate the affair with a dollop suitable to your mood. Mix well.
5. Finally, drain your pasta and add it to the mushroom and tuna mix in a preheated plate to finish the dish.

A healthy and nutritious meal. 

...

Here it comes, the secret to a successful bolognese Graham style.  I'm gonna give it to you in whatever way you like - mushrooms? Can do!  Some chorizo in the mix?  Oooh yeah.   Or, if you would prefer vegetarian, no sausage necessary.  I won't even demand a certain type of pasta, though I will suggest fusili tricolori because it is pretty.  Romance, however, is obligatory.  Let's get deep into this recipe.

What do we need?

500g bolognese sauce - I prefer Seeds of Change Classic Bolognese sauce.

390g chopped tomatoes (I use a pack from Sainsbury's what includes basil and oregano).

500g beef

One of those boxes of mushrooms I hear all about.

A Bovril beef stock cube (but other brands will do if you must).

Worcester Sauce (or at a push HP sauce).

A certain amount of chorizo if you're into it.

Enough pasta for 3 to 4 people. 

You and me are naked by the fridge, we are about to get sensual with food a la Flight of the Conchords.  Put on an apron because it is about to get hot (in a cooking way).

1. Brown your beef in a high heat pan, and as it browns sprinkle a crushed oxo cube onto it and enjoy the sweet smell of success.  If you are Mini, skip this step.

2. In the same pan, now turned down from high to medium head, add the pasta sauce and the tomatoes and stir well so the mix is even.  You should add a liberal lashing of worcester sauce or HP at this stage.

3. Put some chunky cuts of mushroom in at this stage, or whole button mushrooms and stir well making sure they are dispersed evenly and coated in sauce properly.

4. Leave this mixture on the hob for about an hour at low heat, stirring very occasionally, to create a mixture of flavours and lock in the moisture.  If you're Sting, you will want to hold this for several days to heighten pleasure.

5. At the end of the hour, cook your pasta to your liking and if you desire add the spicy Spanish sausage to the mix.  This is another opportune moment to drizzle in some Worcester or HP sauce for flavour.  Drain this, and mix in with the sauce in the pan rather than on the plate for perfect coverage.

6. Serve into preheated pasta bowls accompanied by Al Green on the stereo for maximum effect, and a glass of high quality red wine from your local Majestic wine warehouse or Polish Off-licence.  Breads optional.

Congratulations, you’re just created a delicious meal Graham style.  Enjoy responsibly.  Until next time.